During my heyday.

2011-05-12T01:25:00.000+08:00

If you knew me here, you'll know me at http://returningvisits.blogspot.com.

I trust the views of certain people I know, they look at Danger and they laugh their heads off.

2007-12-26T22:06:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I forget that I am in a foreign city. As much as I point out cultural differences in my everyday conversations with the Taiwanese locals or non-citizens like myself, sometimes I forget that I am in a foreign city. The assimilative powers of a Chinese society are not to be undermined - especially if you are yellow yourself. I have officially maintained fifteen months of residency in

This is why I insist on being so subjective.

2007-12-09T22:04:00.000+08:00

Ever since [Copernicus], writers eager to drive the lesson home have urged us [...] to abandon all sentimental egoism, and to see ourselves objectively in the true perspective of time and space. What precisely does this mean? In a full 'main feature' film, recapitulating faithfully the complete history of the universe, the rise of human beings from the first beginnings of man to the achievements

Strange not to know that you're alive or even that you're about to die.

2007-12-09T17:32:00.000+08:00

Our faculty's annual debate championship for high-schoolers is ready to mark its end with the final competition tomorrow morning. I must admit that I have been greatly inspired, both by the drive of each debater and the desire to whip up a better event next year when it comes to our turn.There is a lot to say, to discuss, to retrace and to reflect on but I have one Law assignment, a five-minute

Forget what you've read about the ocean.

2007-12-02T13:10:00.000+08:00

I watched my first full-time bat and ball sport yesterday, clocking a grand four hours in front of the television set.Now I understand baseball! Sort of. At least the part about why one game has to last so long.I thought of the English football matches I could never get enough of before I left Singapore, and it occurred to me how football is really a game of physical precision and fancy footwork.

You can follow a trail without even knowing you're on it.

2007-11-29T13:54:00.000+08:00

When asked about the girlfriend, I have the tendency to steer my inquirer away from the usual labels "butch" and "tomboy". She is not inclined to dress in a socially-defined "feminine" manner, that much is true, but that does not mean that she is not in agreement with the biological and emotional aspects of her sex.I have made this observation for a long time now and while many who know her at a

I feel them stars go off at night.

2007-11-28T22:00:00.000+08:00

It's not a common sight to see Taiwanese riders wearing mouth masks but personally, I think one ought not to go without it as much as possible. They don't just protect you against the pollution, also the ghastly wind and rainy weather. We actually exhaust an average of six mouth masks a year because apart from turning black from the soot, there's also the occasional snot you just couldn't save it

You'll always find us out for lunch.

2007-11-28T00:24:00.000+08:00

I think I might start writing properly again. I don't know, maybe in that non-fancy classic blogger kind of way. After all, I've allowed words to elude me for so long, I think there might be things to talk about again - things social, things humanitarian. Things that really go on in the world, you know? Just the other day the girlfriend and I took her bike to the mechanics because her number

Everything that happened in between.

2007-09-16T18:59:00.000+08:00

School and work both begin tomorrow and everything will fall back into its routine - teaching and being taught - except that with tertiary education, of course, every semester has its drab and highlight, which is enough change for me to survive on.There is a lot I would love to be writing about right now but it wouldn't be the same without accompanying images so I'm putting the traveling entries

You can be anywhere when your life begins. You meet the right person and anything is possible.

2007-08-03T01:26:00.000+08:00

Just a mini update:1. It's all so crazy and beautiful because in 36 hours Evelyn and Jonathan will arrive for a sleepover which is, like, one week long!2. Still crazy and beautiful because I just replied Qi's email to set up our late October date!3. Crazy, crazy, beautiful, beautiful: seven friends and one sister in Taipei so far. I haven't even been here for twelve whole months yet!4. Craziest

You're the apple of my eye.

2007-07-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

Compared to the diaries I kept as a child in my elementary and secondary school years, the memories that I've saved at this internet address is surprisingly a lot less humiliating, although it is a popular view that you deplore the events that take place in your life by the months in adulthood, unlike, for example, how it took me at least five years to be disgusted at my own juvenile concerns

Summertime, and the livin' is easy.

2007-07-02T00:01:00.002+08:00

It's hot and the days are long (sunrise at five-thirty in the morning!) but I find it reasonable to say that I am drawing from my best funtional capacity: I teach from about noon to six-thirty p.m. daily at Betty's, while giving private tuition scattered on weekday/weekend mornings and evenings. I prepare for class like all teachers but so far the games are well-received and I think grammar may

I'm loving angels instead.

2007-06-19T17:30:00.000+08:00

Hello Mr.K,Last week, my dad forwarded an SMS you sent to my Singaporean number. For quite a few moments, I marveled at the actuality of it. To tell the truth, in that few moments, I also chuckled at the sheer insurance of your dynamic career we should have noticed, if not predicted, at fifteen. If I had known you any less, I might shiver at the hopeless academic pursuit of anyone who is educated

If after all we only live twice.

2007-06-05T01:23:00.000+08:00

I begin this twenty-six minutes past one in the morning, with very mixed feelings and the periodical wave of helplessness. To read about someone else my age, to read and feel the passion in her words, to believe the casualness and luck with which she has landed on the job she wants most in the world, and to be hopeful for my own endeavors, to see a kind of smallness in my world and desires, my

There's a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.

2007-05-13T13:13:00.000+08:00

Often accused of not missing home, I cannot deny that I have no need to suppress the urge to call home every other day, or think fondly of my mother's cooking when I'm devouring an excellently made ji pai (chicken cutlet) with tiny but sumptuous deep-fried tang yuan, rounded up by giant-size watermelon juice sweet sugarless.I am rudely reminded of my lack of piety sometimes, like when a roommate

你知道就算大雨讓這座城市顛倒我會給你懷抱

2007-04-30T22:14:00.000+08:00

I make a request to my roommate to put the song on, the song we had left on repeat, the song we had completely exhausted last December. The opening notes fall on my ears like sweetness reinvented, memories - not actual played out thoughts - but memories of certain emotions begin to overwhelm and threaten to destroy, but in that gentle, painless way all uncertainties are destroyed.It goes back to

當愛相隨能完美一切不完美當你皺眉我陪你留在天黑的世界

2007-01-28T02:14:00.000+08:00

I'm just me and it's okay, because you truly, truly understand.

Because we all agree that happiness is a deterrent to exemplary literature, let me stay wordless for now.

2007-01-24T02:16:00.000+08:00

Love you lately.

2007-01-02T17:37:00.000+08:00

I contemplated a wrap-up entry for 2006 but, frankly, my year doesn't feel like it has quite ended yet. Nevertheless, Happy 2007.

我不要你解釋我不要你發誓我只要你記得此刻你眼里我的樣子

2006-12-17T22:52:00.000+08:00

我思考過要把你放在心里的哪一個位置: 是我們一開始就當得理所當然的同學? 是我們莫名其妙突然間混得很熟的朋友? 是我們在短短的日子里傾訴、聆聽、共識、分歧、學習了解、互相接受而在彼此找到的心腹?還是應該把一個這樣的你，一個會包容我的你，一個會支持我的你，一個會保護我的你，一個我終于可以對自己承認「我對你有感覺」的你，擺放在我心里關于愛情的角落?不過你知道，那些位置、那些角落都已經太狹小太微不足道；因為我一整顆心已經被你慢慢地，慢慢地，填滿。

P.S. Slumber party Wednesday!

2006-12-10T16:07:00.000+08:00

My first darling to arrive in Taipei is none other than the bimbo who smses me that she is at exit B of Ximen Station. I have lived in this city long enough to remember that all MRT exits are arranged in numbers.Before I come up with a reply that adequately expresses my confusion and incredulity, my bimbo sends another text message that confesses, "Oh! It's exit 6!"Ooh but it warms my heart to

我想我很快樂當有你的溫熱

2006-12-02T01:19:00.000+08:00

I watch you piously practise your belief that not every grief or anger deserves conciliation; and I watch you consent to my impatience and tantrums with your calls, your text messages, your dramatic disregard for anyone or anything that puts that crestfallen look on my face.And then I know, you love me that way. 逃不了最後誰也都蒼老寫下我時間和琴聲交錯的城堡

I'd be lying if I did now say I wasn't intrigued but timing is everything here; and for the moment the 'we' is reprieved.

2006-11-20T15:57:00.001+08:00

Dear You,There are people who think that our relationship is not platonic. I can't say I haven't questioned our affection for each other - I plunge and loll in these thoughts - but I refrain from having to make a decision about what this feeling might be. It is still splendidly untried, this beginning, heedlessly fervent, effortlessly ambiguous.You leave jackets and scarves and books over at my

How strange it is to be with you, how strange it is to be anything at all.

2006-11-02T01:41:00.000+08:00

Everything is light,you and me andthis tiny vehicle that's going to take us somewhere -perhaps somewhere, a placewe don't have to think aboutwhat others have to sayabout time and love and boysand us; about mistakes being madeand a fondness misunderstoodbut I am this close to you,this close to believing we have somethingto begin fighting for,this close to go to warlike all of them did before,in

What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye and be gone from me.

2006-10-24T02:07:00.000+08:00

最近的我是快樂的，因為身邊出現了讓我打從心底想對他們好的人。喜歡，就是這么一回事。

Love doesn't grow on trees.

2006-10-18T00:48:00.000+08:00

I fear that something is wrong when Itake almost three hours to fold my laundry (while snacking, chatting, reading blogs and updating myself with Channelnewsasia.com)secretly feel proud of myself, at folding the 7th panty of the load and believing it's the last, for being able to accumulate laundry to a point where it's reasonable to pay for washing and drying servicesgo on to find the 8th, 9th

I liked how you said I could buy you freedom with a drink.

2006-10-01T02:29:00.000+08:00

There are homework (reading John Updike and Faulkner) and lunchboxes (that cost by weight) and girlfriends (I make them call me Jie Jie) and shopping (dresses, shirts, fancy tops, shoes, bags, shades, earrings, scarves, leggings, socks and man boxers - though not all in plural, yet -) and books (Sylvia Plath, Nabokov, Nick Hornby, Jeannette Winterson, Jostein Gaarder and Paul Suskind) and boys (

Next stop: Admiralty.

2006-09-21T00:45:00.000+08:00

I can't write you entries describing what I see and where I go to everyday because I am not that sort of writer; but it is awesome being here, something I can say with a decisiveness that is not rash, one week into the first of my Taiwanese days. I spend long, fruitful hours with my roommates, hostel mates and classmates exploring the city of Taipei, regretfully not as a tourist, because it means

I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.

2006-09-12T03:12:00.001+08:00

All my bags are packed and in a few hours, maybe I'll finally be ready to go.

Somewhere our hearts exist independent of time.

2006-09-06T04:02:00.000+08:00

One of the things that I've thought about quite a bit recently is to, in complete self-gratification, come up with a list of what I will miss once I fly out of this island. I admit that it is drudgingly trite to be considering such a list, like an imperative step in the How To Move To Another Country In The Most Dramatic (And Extremely Cliché) Manner Manual but it is not everyday that a question

There's a thousand shades of white and a thousand shades of black, but the same rule always applies, smile pretty and watch your back.

2006-09-03T06:08:00.000+08:00

The first spell of urgency to pack came at three in the morning. It is now a little after six, I am sitting at a very messy dining table, crossing out on my Things-to-Bring list. The stationery, fashion accessories, make-up and various articles of personal grooming are organised and tucked neatly into tiny bags and cases. Other than apparels and shoes (of which I've only managed to work on the

I don't know which side your heart falls on but I know where mine is buried.

2006-08-31T00:13:00.000+08:00

We will go about our days and we will never stop being miles apart. You don't remember that it was you who left first, you will never learn to remember these things. We were young, careless, and on the edge of being in love but it wasn't enough. When will anything be enough for you? You left first, and then you came back. What were you expecting when you came back?Now, we will go about our days

So much love.

2006-08-28T03:21:00.000+08:00

In twelve hours.

When did we start to run out of time?

2006-08-19T23:23:00.000+08:00

I am twenty-four days away from leaving and the things I have to get done is a poo-load. I am, all at once, certain and uncertain, excited and frightened, relieved but unenthusiastic (all that paperwork), proud and indignant, worried but, yes, happy.Heeelp.***UPDATEMonday, August 21, 2006, 1.26pmI'm at the McDonald's at Suntec City, surfing on free internet and taking advantage of the Student

Baby, don't you weep, there is nothing as lucky, as easy, or free.

2006-08-17T01:14:00.000+08:00

When I was younger, young enough for studying to come easily, like a habit, I seldom thought far into my academic future. It wasn't out of apathy or dislike, but of a certainty that, on hindsight, I had not done enough to earn.You spend the first three years of primary school getting As and Band 1s, and then proceed to be streamed to an EM1 class. That does not surprise you, because where else

心上打的結﹐ 怎樣子的解開才叫做解開？

2006-07-27T15:44:00.000+08:00

我說好不哭的。我們交換來過的日子﹐ 不過就二十天。對﹐ 是交換。是用了一點衝動﹐ 一點天真﹐ 一點自以為是所換來的日子。是二十個怎麼看都不屬於我們的日子。是我們很倔強﹐ 很自私﹐ 很不應該卻還是想過的日子。我說好不哭的。分開並不困難﹐ 畢竟我們之間就那二十天。太短了﹐ 怎麼可能歇斯底裡﹐ 當然也不會心力交瘁。這樣的愛情﹐ 是該幸運﹐ 還是該遺憾? 我們用二十天來表現的愛情﹐ 會在分開後繼續進行嗎?我說好不哭的。有一個晚上﹐ 我很驕傲地說我沒有打算和你有未來。我很驕傲地說著。我是拿得起放得下的女生﹐ 你知道嗎? 我一直這麼認為的。直到你在第二十天說你沒有想到未來那麼遠﹐ 我才發現﹐ 就算拿得起放得下﹐ 還是會在意自己並不是會讓你想像未來的女生。我說好不哭的。你說謊了。是朋友拆穿你的﹐ 在我們分開以後。我沒有勇氣要你解釋﹐ 也不希望你覺得有必要解釋﹐ 更害怕你沒有辦法解釋。我認定你說謊了﹐

As long as we laugh out loud, laugh like we're mad, cause this crazy, mixed up beauty is all that we have.

2006-07-21T11:30:00.000+08:00

And we were staring, seeing, taking it all in when I said, "This is worth an entry by itself," - not because I am one of those people who can't do anything, watch anything or hear anything without putting it on the Internet but because, to be practical, it is more likely for me to tell you about the starry splendor in words, in spite of the eventuality of them proving to be inadequate, than to

Truth is stranger than fiction.

2006-07-15T14:43:00.000+08:00

I sit on one side of the black leather sofa, the side against the window, wishing I could lie down instead. But this is a public place, the people sharing this space with me would certainly disapprove such a display of private comfort. It is not rude, surely, how can a preference of such harmless nature be rude? But they - these people, people who tend to be older, assumingly wiser, people who

I loved you then, and I love you now.

2006-07-12T00:35:00.000+08:00

I began to write online towards the end of 2002. There is always a resistance to read the old entries (it makes me cringe at the language), and almost always a struggle to remember what I had felt. It shouldn't surprise anybody that NSBoy was my favourite topic. In many ways, I still find myself the happiest, the saddest, the most emotional when I write about him. But to trace back those days, to

If you could pick and choose from the top of the shelf, it wouldn't have worked because you'd be aiming too high.

2006-07-05T13:14:00.000+08:00

If I have thoughts of death - death that happens when you throw yourself off the block or fall down a long flight of staircase (and I am only capable of imagining suicide in these two ways, strangely) - if I wonder about it, about what would be on your mind on your way down, about what kind of pain awaits you at the end, about how long it takes before you finally die, is it possible for me to

It's so beautiful up here now, oh I think I might just stay.

2006-06-28T17:11:00.000+08:00

"I didn't keep your letters, darlint, not because I didn't want to, but - oh, just because I worried I suppose, that Percy might find them. Now, in some ways, I wish I had them, as your neat cabin-boy's handwriting would comfort me. But it is probably better for both of us, I mean, where the courts are concerned, that I destroyed them. Most of them - the ones which matter. I may have kept a

All my life I've heard them, but to hear those words from you.

2006-06-20T22:33:00.000+08:00

adopt your own virtual pet!In a conversation with the girls yesterday, it struck me that I can finally have my kitten when I'm in Taiwan. I can think of problems already: to somehow sneak it into hostel the first year, and to find landlords/housemates who approve of pets in the following years. But the odds of these

Everything's falling, and I am included in that.

2006-06-13T06:00:00.000+08:00

親愛的, 你不會看得懂我在寫些什麼 (雖然那好像有點辜負了你身上流著的四分之三的華人血統), 但我想告訴你, 我想有一天我會親口告訴你: 我曾經認為某個男生讓小心翼翼的我變得勇敢, 曾經認為他把我從對愛情的執著和懦弱裡救了出來。我也曾經疑惑, 為什麼讓我變得勇敢的男生卻也常常讓我傷心難過, 讓我常常覺得那份愛好像不怎麼值得。原來是我一時搞錯了, 原來最真最單純的感情, 不是讓我變得勇敢來面對愛情的可怕, 而是像你一樣, 像我不曾預見的你一樣, 讓我站在愛情的面前, 不需要勇敢, 也不覺得愛情可怕。

But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn, the taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn, already I'm so lonesome I could die.

2006-06-05T00:51:00.000+08:00

I would have known a week earlier if I hadn't felt the immense reluctance to cope with the finality of things. It's all one big contradiction, really, because I have been looking to reach this point for a long time now. It was never about whether this is the thing I want to do the most but rather, to be able to make one final decision after I've exhausted all possible options. I am that sort of

So sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling, what you feel is what I feel for you.

2006-05-21T20:47:00.000+08:00

It seldom starts any way else; the boy will say, "You're different from the other girls I know, you're special," but it doesn't even really matter, because they end up being like every other boy I know, which is obviously not much of a good news.For some reason, this time - instead of closing the doors before anything has even begun - I have hopes that you're going to be the boy who's different.

Yes, it struck me that love is sport, so I pushed you a little bit more.

2006-05-13T08:09:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last felt like this.I want to see you everyday.

And you hold a record for being patient, with my kind of hesitation.

2006-04-21T02:10:00.000+08:00

I'll tell you what makes me happy -1. to finally put together an autobiography and study plan entirely in Chinese, after more than two weeks of telling myself how it's not going to make the cut anyway. But to conjure that sort of fluency felt like such a big laugh, almost to a point of being strange and pretentious.2. to have resisted the temptation of a straight ticket to a comfortable lifestyle

I think of you and how easily we bruise, on the beautiful side of somewhere.

2006-04-12T12:27:00.000+08:00

My ex is probably unhappy about being my ex. Whichever reason that comes to your head, it's not that. Maybe I should drink less tea. The Japanese green tea, Tie Guan Yin, jasmine tea, the English Breakfast Tea, Earl Grey, Ceylon, lychee/lime/passionfruit herbal, organic peppermint tea, genmaicha (roasted wheat in green tea) and the occasional teh tarik - I make myself at least two cups of one of

我想說的是﹐ 我有很認真的喜歡過一個男生。

2006-04-05T11:27:00.000+08:00

請你不要擔心﹐ 這不是一封告白信。就算是﹐ 這也是一封來得太遲的告白信。那天我告訴你﹐ 我失戀了。我說我失戀好幾個月了﹐ 那個傷口早就該愈合﹐ 但它沒有。其實﹐ 從認識你的第一天開始﹐ 我就失戀了。我想我永遠也不會弄清楚為什么﹐ 因為愛情這回事沒有所謂的為什麼。為什么我會喜歡你﹐ 為什麼我始終不敢告訴你﹐ 為什么你可以對我那麼好﹐ 為什麼你不喜歡我還可以對我那麼好﹐ 為什么我期待了那麼久﹐ 久到你在四年後找到了女朋友。我決定等你的那一刻﹐ 等多久並不是一個問題﹐ 它從來不再我考慮範圍內。我對你的等待﹐ 是一種自然形成的守候﹐ 沒有所謂的堅持﹐ 反而常常是一股無力感﹐ 除了等之外﹐ 什麼事都沒辦法花太多心思。原來﹐ 我一開始就錯了。那些我以為是你在乎我的證明﹐ 一直都是我想太多﹐ 對不對？那些我們聊到天亮的晚上﹐ 那些你為了幫我解悶的笑話﹐

Everybody's right, this is closure. But I've long gotten used to being without one.

2006-03-30T01:28:00.000+08:00

Hello stranger.Thank you for my very first, very proper, very unrequited love. I believe I've loved you in a strange way, a manner which is perhaps, after all, unknown to me.It was the fiercest of my emotions and weakest in defense; I spent two years in intangibility, and months, later on, looking to be anchored in reality. I imagined your kindness and attention to be love, but it was I who

In a little while this hurt will hurt no more.

2006-03-28T04:51:00.000+08:00

Dear ex-classmate,It's fucking weird to know that the thing I've wanted for so long is now yours. I don't like profanities, but it is so fucking weird. You see, I have always maintained that however unlikeable you appear to be, I do not possess a real, solid reason to put you on my list of Least Favourite People.Now I have found the perfect one.I'm not saying thank you,Your ex-classmate

The mysterious distance between a man and a woman.

2006-03-26T23:37:00.000+08:00

Dinner is good, I think to myself, before I catch the lines of your frown. You say you can't explain it, but there is a certain dread to this night, is there not? Tomorrow night will be better. I can feel it. You ask me why but I don't say a thing. See, the answer's too simple, you'll be disappointed.xxxTwo years ago we bought matching sweaters, red with grey details. One day we'll put them on

Chance is a kind of religion where you're damned for plain hard luck.

2006-03-23T01:33:00.000+08:00

I have stars in my dreams. Sometimes I watch the sun set on me and I wish I didn't know the faces so well, their voices and their tears, the laughter that echoes in my ear. It all belongs to me, that much I know. Words are sly things. I think this existence needs a little bit more explanation, maybe? Or maybe not. I don't know. We are people so full of intentions, and I want to live to see the

Life was an attraction, but you never tried.

2006-02-28T17:48:00.000+08:00

There is an entry, floating somewhere in the universe of the internet, written by a semi-famous blogger about how marriage is merely “legal security”. I used to think the same way because the modern, independent woman must. I’ve grown up a little since then, and while I still agree that marriage is not everything, I’ve also acquired another perspective. See, even though signing on that piece of

Love's supposed to keep you young and frisky, but we grew up and wide apart.

2006-01-23T13:38:00.000+08:00

I still dream of meeting that shy, quiet boy who will write these things about me and him that will make me want to cry. We will do things like take a walk in a park or share an ice-cream and he will help me make us and these simple things perfect with his ABCs.Lucky Rhea. Maybe Pisceans are the way to go.

When you're alone, you can make any choice you want. But when someone loves you, you lose that right.

2006-01-20T13:26:00.000+08:00

I have said this many times: my internship placement is quite something. My colleagues are genuinely nice and funny people; the idea of office politics is lamenting the other departments who try to use our printers. I get to surf online the whole day while pretending that I’m getting work done. My supervisor is the Queen of Heck Care. The tasks I get are, in moderation, boring, interesting and

But we are at the same place, at the same time, when I keep you in my mind.

2006-01-17T10:42:00.000+08:00

I’m not sure what the hiatus meant. Understandably, work is a routine. I wake up at 6.45 in the morning, blow my hair dry by 7.15 and walk fast enough to catch the 8 a.m. train, latest. I reach the office by 8.25 and look forward to lunch. Knock-off hours take a little longer to come.What happens in between is inconsequential, because they are only suitable for recounting over dinner and coffee;

If I cried a little bit, when I first learned the truth, don’t blame it on my heart, blame it on my youth.

2005-12-23T00:32:00.000+08:00

When I mentioned to Evelyn that I have an idea what my 2005 wrap-up entry is going to look like, she told me that she has - nine days before the year officially ends - already written hers. It made me laugh, not because she couldn't wait until 2005 breathes its final hours to pen a melancholy (but funny, Evelyn's always inclined to be humourous without really meaning to) conclusion, but at my

I’m an expert on Shakespeare and that’s a hell of a lot, but the world don't need scholars as much as I thought.

2005-12-16T20:13:00.000+08:00

Captivating Cancellous Heroine reviews books. Today, she gave a copy of Nick Hornby's A Long Way Down to Green Barking Computer.Green Barking Computer: Oh! Good, I can keep this.Me: (very audible gasp) Nick Hornby!Captivating Cancellous Heroine: Oh, so you like Nick Hornby?Green Barking Computer: It's mine!Me: (puts on forlorn look) I love Nick Hornby.Little Fantastic Sugarbun: You can steal it

You will revisit every smile, and where it fits into the day, I know this is how it will play.

2005-12-14T17:33:00.000+08:00

One of the things that have been unceasingly on my mind is to keep a look out for stuff to put at my office table. The extensity is negligible; I take an interest in a limitless number of things. I spent the last two minutes trying to come up with examples but I don’t go very far, because it truly can be anything at all, practical or useless or even experimental. Say, plastic flowers. It is all

So darling give me your absence tonight, take all of your sympathy and leave it outside.

2005-12-07T22:22:00.000+08:00

The whole of today I was trying to multi-task and attempting to generate philosophical thoughts on said subject. Bad habit, the velleity to make everyday insignificance out to be life-changing.I didn't multi-task because I had to, but because there were so many things I wanted to do first. I tried to read a magazine and eat a biscuit and do some googling online. And then I tried to eat lunch and

Here's another speech you wish I'd swallow, another cue for you to fold your ears.

2005-12-05T23:07:00.000+08:00

There is this scene in the movie SPL where, just for a moment, Donnie Yan eased his grip across Sammo Hung's neck in a grapple so that Sammo could speak to (and reassure, though in vain) his unwitting wife and child over the telephone. That, I think, was the difference between right and wrong; and at the same time, the concurrence of right and wrong.On a side note, Project Runway is possibly the

All the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery, as they steal your best memories away.

2005-11-29T02:27:00.000+08:00

This business of give and take, yes or no, should we or should we not, it makes me feel - in every sense of the cliché - tired. I'm not talking about love, which is what would first come to my mind if I'd read someone else write that, but being. It's not the living that renders me jaded, that part you can do something different and spectacular once in a while; it's the being part that sometimes

Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love.

2005-11-26T15:13:00.001+08:00

The thing about being hopeless with directions is that it makes you notice, on a rainy day, you no longer have any problems finding your way sheltered to campus. You can type a text message and read the morning papers at the same time, letting your feet take you where you need to be, like an instinct. You also remember it wasn't very long ago that you couldn't recognise a single turn without

Lucy in the sky with diamonds, the girl with the kaleidoscope eyes.

2005-11-23T22:19:00.000+08:00

It occurs to me that corporate eyes may be on this entry because an event as big as ADASIA 2005 would be expected to conduct some sort of media monitoring, no? I ran a search on Google Blog Search to see if interesting things have been said and I want to tell 18-year-old Edwin that the "japanese advert company" that he thinks "is the best" is called Dentsu, not "DENTON". So much for having a

How can I fight, when we're on the same side, how can I fight beside you.

2005-11-17T15:29:00.000+08:00

"I think I know what we are all searching for. Not just a boy, not even a tremendously nice boy, to spend our lives with. But a boy who has the power to give us the lives that we want. Even as we insist that we are not materialistic, there are certain expectations we have of our boys, and this is perhaps natural for we are moulded by society and society's ideals after all.The self-acclaimed

And you'll yield to me like a scent in the breeze, and you'll wonder what it is about me.

2005-11-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

Internship will begin in four weeks' time. There is a lot of fear, because the worst thing you can imagine could very well not be the worst thing that can happpen to you. Politics has structures, but it is hardly predictable.There is a lot of anticipation as well, for a fresh environment and new personalities. I have no complaints about my placement, even if all I get out of it at the end of the

But daddy longlegs, I feel that I'm finally growing weary, I'm building memories on things we have not said.

2005-11-05T21:46:00.000+08:00

In my perfect world, the sun will not scorch, burn, or cause me to perspire. It will bless the earth with light until the moon takes over, and that's it.Wind can come in the form of a breeze or something slightly stronger if it wishes to, but causing nobody's hair to be in disarray while it's blowing. It will not cease to exist at any given point in time, meaning that one will never be made to

And you always end up closer than close, that's where I give in.

2005-10-26T15:07:00.000+08:00

This is not the entry I wanted to write. I had two ideas; I was going to talk about Tania Kindersley and her amazing books but I'm only halfway through her third. And then I wanted to post a new story I wrote but it has all of one and a half lines. I've forgotten how to concentrate.I must have really enjoyed my six-week vacation because why else has it passed so fast? I took a look at the pages

The French had a saying that happiness has no story.

2005-10-15T21:14:00.000+08:00

'What happened to you?' he said. 'I called last night.''I forgot to put the machine on,' I said, in a careless voice. I wanted to say, You bastard, how dare you turn it back on me. How dare you?'I called twice,' he said, making it sound suspicious and mean and underhand, as if I had been out sleeping with mobsters.'I went to see a friend,' I said, thinking it wasn't at all a bad thing if he did

We're on the subway to Venus.

2005-10-14T21:34:00.000+08:00

Recently, my favourite food is lady's fingers pan-fried in chilli. Recently, I say "I'm not good at (insert most things)" a lot. And recently, my favourite place is greener pastures.

If I could say what I wanted to say, I'd say I want to take your breath away.

2005-10-10T21:09:00.000+08:00

Dear You: It would be exaggeration if we were to say that you're the reason she can't say yes. She has her priorities, our friend, and you're one of them. Sometimes I put the blame on her, because after a while it starts - even for a good reason - to sound suspiciously like an excuse. But when I look at you and listen to the things you say, I understand her difficulty. Things are often

I watched her hurt, and I watched her deny it, and I let her, and we talked of other things.

2005-10-04T20:33:00.000+08:00

Yesterday my lecturer asked if I am raring to leave school. I'd rather not think about life as a working adult but the truth is I've been feeling the need for some time now, the need to move on and meet new people.I don't like to think of it as things getting stale but it has, in some ways, come to a point where the routine of going to school and seeing the same faces everyday serves little more

The stars have given up their science, their mystery.

2005-09-28T13:41:00.000+08:00

It's just that when I put the pieces together, I'm made to look at this big picture that I've tried to pretend non-existent for some time now. What is it, really, the timing? The silence? The assumptions? Or, at the very core of things, the certainty of my uncertainty, the way I haven't learnt to be unselfish? Is that it? I don't think I can ever be right for this.The problem, the insolvable

This is the kitten I will never have because you guys won't let me!

2005-09-22T15:18:00.000+08:00

adopt your own virtual pet!P.S. I have sentences written down everywhere - notebooks, postcards, restaurant receipts - but it seems impossible, at this point of time, to put a reasonable entry together. I'm on school vacation and enjoying it; the late mornings and lazy afternoons, the mugs of tea and my pile of unread books

I wanna live where the sun comes out, I wanna live life and be good to you.

2005-09-08T12:48:00.000+08:00

It's ten minutes to one in the afternoon and I have a report due in less than twenty-four hours that I've thought plenty, but not typed a word of. I want to post something long and purposeful, but my life has been unfolding in point-form recently: flickering but succinct. There is something about a momentous state of bliss (not quite literal, for they sometimes last hours) that defines the

And if you'll notice in the corner, there's a tiny little heart I've enclosed.

2005-08-30T21:50:00.000+08:00

Our eyes meet. I smile, instinctive and thoughtless. She smiles back and my heart turns over momentarily as I decide between awe and jealousy, a perplexity not unfamiliar. I don't envy easily, but there is something about this girl's sweetness, effortless and kind, that makes me sometimes wish to be a little more like her. Of course, to answer this jealousy there is also her history to consider -

I lose my way but still you seem to understand.

2005-08-23T20:31:00.000+08:00

To my favourite boy in the world,As recent as this March, one day before we started going out again, I was convinced that I was never going to get over NSboy. Perhaps it was silly stubborness on my part, the firm belief in habitual affection and its unformidable life span; or, on hindsight, the fear to let go of emotions so subtle and safe, materializing in only the most harmless ways.But it was

It'll go on till we run out of road.

2005-08-03T18:40:00.000+08:00

This is something I've discussed with a classmate before: it becomes inevitably more wearisome to find a friend in new people you meet, in the years that you've grown past growing up. We had both admitted, in empathetic honesty, that it's not so much finding common ground or bringing yourself to trust someone you didn't "grow up with"; simply the fact that these people, however endearing, have

I've never been good at giving myself away.

2005-07-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

"I want my own bed, in my own apartment. Home sweet home. No place like home. Take me home, country roads. Home is where the heart is. But my heart is here. So I must be home. Clare sighs, turns her head, and is quiet. Hi, honey, I'm home. I'm home."The Time Traveler's Wife, Audrey Niffenegger

Are you having regrets about last night?

2005-07-24T23:02:00.000+08:00

"You've been working so hard to keep things under control for some time, but it just hasn't been very easy for you. Not even a tiny little bit. But don't let that concern you yet. If you can keep it all going for a little while longer -- and you know you can -- you'll be oh so pleasantly surprised at how terrifically it all turns out. Your quest now is to keep your eye on the ball, no matter what

This time I'm going to fall to fly.

2005-07-19T14:16:00.000+08:00

I need to write something about you but the words won't come. It is not a bad thing, this absence of articulation, because it means that I've finally met something I want to keep honest and perfect.We are, of course, not perfect; but you have this way of making me want to be reckless and brave, this way of demanding me not to be afraid of going wrong. It is brash and beautiful, this intrepidity.

The true story of what was: Part Two A

2005-07-08T19:31:00.000+08:00

The year I turned fourteen, I met a boy. Online. It was the rage then, to meet people online, the IRC was like a dating agency in itself. It got to a point where the whole thing became crude, tasteless and desperate: as long as your pseudonym sounded like female you'd get countless messages from boys who wanted more that your A/S/L. They wanted height and weight, they wanted pictures, they wanted

Maybe I'm a girl in the middle of something she doesn't really understand.

2005-06-23T21:21:00.000+08:00

P.S. There's supposed to be a really grand reason to answer for this mini hiatus but you'll have to make do with murmurs of nothingness. Lately I've had little to say, except that there have been days when I feel a happiness so acute it makes me think that life is too short not to be beautiful, and sometimes it is enough to take away a certain sadness, a certain confusion that I know I should not

And if you care, don’t let them know, don't give yourself away.

2005-05-27T00:11:00.000+08:00

Tonight the song didn't sound so sad. When was the last time I heard it play? I don't remember. I'd wanted the jazz to wrap me up and send me to sleep like I've just cried my heart out but tonight, tonight the song didn't sound so sad.Will it stay this way at dawn, tomorrow, will the weary ache be truly gone? Will I finally stop expecting you to become who I wish you were? Who did I make you

Tonight, all of us, we're not friends or lovers, just hopelessly selfish people.

2005-05-25T12:57:00.000+08:00

'Please don't go,' he said, but I couldn't hear any conviction or desperation in his voice. Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough.'Why don't you want me to go?' I asked him. 'What difference will it make to you?'And there was a long, thoughtful, fatal pause before he said anything, a pause that allowed me first to ignore and then to forget what it was he eventually cobbled together.How To Be Good,

Every so often, everybody needs to watch the sun rise.

2005-05-21T14:00:00.000+08:00

See, I was supposed to watch Star Wars today but I woke up to a terrible cramp. Before I turned eighteen, PMS wasn't about moodswings or cravings; I fell sick every time the time of the month drew near. Nothing very fatal, just headaches and temperatures and the occasional sorethroat, but I would sleep thrice as much and when I wake up, bingo, I see red.These days, my appetite increases

I could stay here all night but that's not how you feel.

2005-05-18T16:37:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it is inevitable to be mundane: which I am most of the time, but try furiously to deny by not telling you about my day. It would probably reflect better on me if I had opinions on politics or current affairs or at least issues of worldly concern, but I don't bother with news very much, I must say. My dad is not pleased because he doesn't want his daughter to end up being one of those

But the night came down and swept us away, and the stars they seemed to paint the most elaborate scene to date.

2005-05-09T13:58:00.000+08:00

Flurry scenes of mismatched storylines, dialogues written off before they reach anyone as though we were all in a desperate hurry; how is it possible that you could find a moment out of all these and touch the back of my hand like you wanted to take me away?What am I to you, dear friend, the girl who smiles at everything, or the cat in your pocket? What am I, the letter that never came? Or

Just lay yourself on the line and I might lay myself down by you.

2005-05-07T15:10:00.000+08:00

This is a Saturday and it is a strange time to be alone. That is, obviously, measured against the grand number of hand-holding couples and cozy groups of friends in sight. It makes you look out for the singletons instinctively and engineers a need to conjure a list of reasons to answer for your lack of company. Suddenly I want to be friends with all the lonely people in the world and tell them

Sing me something soft, sad and delicate, or loud and out of key, sing me anything.

2005-04-30T02:17:00.000+08:00

One: Maybe it was the way Teochew rolled off their tongues like it was the most natural thing in the world. My mother was greatly amused, watching these children - four, six and seven, probably - speak to one another in the dialect that I've yet to master in my twenty years of being in a Teochew household. "Wah Ma Si Eh Hiaow Tahn," I attempted haltingly. Embarrassingly chopped-up, but it was an

I'll allow nothing more than these fragments of chaos.

2005-04-24T00:05:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I get silly notions like this: an urge to do something, to be something, while I imagine myself a couple of decades from now, saying, "In those days we..." And it would be something truly spectacular, something the children of our future would marvel at, wishing for their youth to be as glorious as ours.**In a moment of quiet exasperation, I emptied the inbox of my cellphone. I sighed

I know there's a word for this.

2005-04-18T00:32:00.000+08:00

We don't have seasons around here. I wish I could say I met you at the beginning of autumn and we watched the leaves turn red and orange like fiery moments of passion and certainty. Maybe I'll ask for a fallen leaf and as you bend to pick it up, I'll slip the scarf off your neck and bring it with me into the later months of winter.We would scream at each other, one cold January day, in the middle

Maybe this is what I need to pay back, for all the times I made you sad.

2005-04-11T11:11:00.000+08:00

What else can I sayWhen you hold my handAnd tell me not to cry,Except that I, darling, Don't really want you to walk me this last distance?That from the moment we say goodbyeTonightI will have to get used to somethingSo different, so unwanted -A breathless, drowning void,Instead of your loveThat I didn't know I took for granted.

Trying to replace, to displace; trying to explain, to refrain; knowing I could never know some things.

2005-04-10T01:40:00.000+08:00

"Do you love me?" he asks. You laugh out loud, your body contracting, your head dipping under. You come up with a mouthful of water and spit it in his face. He wipes his eyes, then reaches his hand out and grabs your arm, pulls you toward him. You expect him to force you under, to hold you thrashing and airless as punishment for your dirty play. Instead, he buoys you up, allows you to float

Just don't treat me like I'm something that happened to you.

2005-04-05T00:21:00.000+08:00

i want to memorise the lines of your smileand curves of your shoulder, the left one,how it holds my face and theweight of possibility.i want to write onto paper the sound of your voicetelling me about your yesterday andhow it would be the last withoutthe mention of my name.i want to keep in my pocketthe light on your hair, a tousled messwith long brown fringefalling into your face.i want to save

Autumn's not so far away, and neither is this feeling.

2005-03-20T10:56:00.000+08:00

So one day you notice that it was actually easier back then: the distance, the optional concern, the unrequitedness of it all. Every accidental smile and careless word turns your heart over and over. That boy is perfect, but he only exists on the other side of the computer, the other end of your cellphone. Occasionally tangible, like your hand on his arm or the bashfulness in his smile, but

And it's true that I love, and it's love not given lightly.

2005-03-10T21:25:00.001+08:00

On a night like this I feel sensible and romantic and reflective and flighty all rolled into one because I'm packing giggles and rapture and fondness into something for the right someone.It amazes me that I can admit to myself that this is real, that I'm on my way to falling in love with you.I know I can be very happy like this. Very, very happy.

This is the last time I will fall into a place that fails us all inside.

2005-03-09T23:54:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't have to apologise for this, but I'm sorry I still think about you. Maybe this is the way it has to be, maybe this is as much as I can ever get over you and everything you've made me thought I felt. Remember the very last time we talked? In the midst of laughter you said that we never seem to get past this silliness, this senselessness. But that's not true, dear friend, because there

So better pack your bags and run, send it to oblivion.

2005-03-06T10:44:00.000+08:00

I have torn down the poster of the boy with long dark hair that falls over his eyes and despise him for his audacity to fall in love. Half of me is convinced that it's really a scam in pursuit of media attention, the other truly brokenhearted that it's not me that he loves. I quench my thirst for vengeance by refusing to listen to his music or admit how talented the other woman is. I call the